funny nurse

Top 20 Funny Nurse Quotes

funny nurseI can’t help it, I love funny stories. I searched all over the inter to come up with some of the funniest nurse quotes to share. If you have any funny sayings that you would like to give us, feel free to leave a comment below.



  1. Nursing: Where else can you experience the thrill of having total strangers poop in front of you like it’s totally your business?
  2. Be nice to me! I may be your nurse someday, and I’m the one who chooses your catheter size.
  3. Motorcyclists are typically referred to as organ donors.
  4. Laughter is not the best medicine. Propofol is!
  5. How is it that waitresses refill drinks and get tipped 15%, but I clean up poop, scrub feet, wash hair, provide medicine and keep people alive and still get yelled at?
  6. Did you want to talk to the Doctor in charge or the nurse who knows what’s going on?
  7. You can’t cure stupid, but you can sedate it.
  8. Not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.
  9. I have a tendency to laugh at your patient’s “big” problems.
  10. Don’t mess with me- I’m paid to stab people with sharp objects.
  11. Save one life, you’re a hero. Save one hundred, you’re a nurse.
  12. Nurses: Here to save your butt, not kiss it!
  13. I’ve come to the realization that I’ll touch anything, so long as I have gloves on.
  14. We checked your insurance and the only thing it covers is one visit from a Care Bear.
  15. I’m a nursing major, I experience finals week every week.
  16. I’m a student nurse. And I think I’ve figured out why there’s a nursing shortage.
  17. Screaming and throwing a tantrum won’t influence mom. As a nurse, she’s learned to deal with such behavior.
  18. I appreciate the compliment, but this isn’t the latest design for a nurse’s uniform. One of my patients just vomited on me.
  19. This is strange. My bladder just sent me a text message begging me to start taking bathroom breaks.
  20. Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.


Don’t forget to leave a comment if you have a good nurse joke or quote, and register for our free nursing bag contest held every month!

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George Tall

Author at Hug Your Nurse
George Tall works in the legal field, is a father of three, and a husband of a RN for 25 years. He enjoys writing about everything, especially nursing! He has been writing for a living, at least partially, since around 2000. As an author on dozens of websites, he enjoys being factual, while spinning a bit of humor where possible.
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